Chapter 1-1
Hey it's been a while. I picked this up since I thought this novel is interesting and a bit different from stuff I worked on before (romcom). I will do this one slowly but steady, thus I will release the chapters into a lot of parts. This is my first literature translation project so I'm still not used to it. Enjoy!
Please tell me if by any chance other people had done this novel before, or if by any chance this work had been licensed in English. Thanks!
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“You see, I want you to take care of Sumire-chan for the time being.”
It was my mother.
Staring at my mother who cladded in black attire, I started to think that adults truly fancy dark colours. Probably because that colour wasn’t prone to dirt, which means stains would hardly be visible in that tone.
Seeing me who clearly looked displeased, my mother smoothed the crease on her clothes with a troubled expression.
“Since her mother had passed away, Sumire-chan has no other choice other than living with one of her relatives, right?”
I can still smell the scent of incense sticks. All of the funeral process had finished, what was left was the dinner banquet for close relatives. Seeing the vibrant atmosphere made me conscious of the frivolity of one’s life, even souls have their own value-based society, I guess.
There were some people who looked joyful at this dinner since it had been a while since the family gathered. It truly gave an impression that one’s life and death only amount to that extent.
Honestly, I also thought nothing of this. Apparently I’ve met the deceased before, but I had no recollection of it. Even the girl who was called Sumire, I’ve only made aware of her name until today. Feeling sympathetic toward cluttered bones sure was difficult.
“No other choice…what about her father?”
“Oh, even you would be aware of the circumstances, wouldn’t you?”
She slightly mumbled, repeating unpleasant words such as prison and detainment, that somehow made me regret asking. I’d better avoid this bushy topic soon, I hate sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong and getting bitten after all.
“I live alone, you know? As if I have the lenience to look after others.”
“Even if you said that we have no other choice since Sumire-chan is still a child. We should help her.”
The girl, cladded with a somewhat baggy uniform, who sat in the corner looking downcasted entered my vision. If I’m not mistaken she was a high school student. Is that counted as a child, I wondered.
She was in the age where she could do some part time jobs, which means she could earn by herself. She should be able to board trains without any worry, she also had the rights to choose her next destination hereafter. You won’t be able to live if you keep depending on others’ kindness after all. Well, I should admit that her standing was extremely unsteady right now.
“Just ask others to do it. Someone like Uncle Hachioji is wealthy enough, right? Or Aunty Waseda who lives in that humongous house, also Honma-san said that they want a child—”
“Matsuri.”
My mouth stopped when I heard a sharp rebuttal from her. Not stopped, she made it stop. Adults truly love doing their things this way, huh.
“You get it, don’t you.”
“.........”
As if I was. As if I accepted it. This was plainly a coercion without any willingness to truly convince me.
The relatives who were behind my mother’s back were staring at me. Those were clearly gazes that completely wanted to toss the burden on me. It was like they were preying on me. Everyone, in unison.
It made me wonder, why me?
As a person with a very small amount of life experience, someone who lives with no regards to others, what made these adults choose me for this role?
My mother too, why won’t she speak anything. Something like my child had no ability to take care of other human beings, or something along those lines.
She had always been like this since long ago. Wearing those thin-lined smiles and never tried to refute anyone’s word. Floating around along the waves just like jellyfishes. So transparent, and hollow.
“Don’t wanna.”
Which means, I, who was raised by this mother, should also be a hollow creature. Jellyfish would give birth to jellyfish, no other. Floating inside the cold sea, me, who was completely turning cold without any sign of warmth.
“I have my own life, I also have my own job. Also, doing this would definitely need my landlord’s permission. In the first place, what happened to her house? What becomes of Sumire's house?”
“It’s a given that Sumire-chan also lived in an apartment, right? The rent will be discontinued and she is now evicted. But please don’t worry, all of her previous stuff will be placed in grandma’s house.”
“No, this isn’t about the stuff—”
“Then it’s not a problem, right?”
“Why doesn't she live with you then, Mom?”
“I work at night so it will be a problem. Besides, her school is closest to your place after all, no?”
“As if I know.”
Once again, I wondered why these adults spoke like I was already aware of every circumstance regarding this situation, even though they’d never tell me about anything.
“Then…transfer—”
“Matsuri.”
Her tone was like commanding me to not argue any further, I shut my mouth.
It was like they had no ears to listen to me, such as speaking to a wall, nothing remains.
Always, always.
Each time these adults keep pushing things without any qualms and no remorse. They kept forcing things around without any willingness to listen to the other party, compelling others to fulfil their demand. It was like they lost their versatility and turned into a single stiff and immovable being.
Is that also a sign of being an adult, I wondered.
Then, it must mean that I’ve yet to be an adult. Just like Sumire, I was another child.
It took all of me to take care of myself. I’d never experienced any hardship and growth for others’ sake, it was all for me.
“Matsuri, this is beyond our capability, you also understand, right?”
I could sense those cracked, dried hands touching my shoulders.
That hopeless expression peered inside my eyes, a guise of surrender.
“Since you are also an adult.”
……what was an adult?
I somehow managed to move my exhausted leg to climb the stairs, and finally arrived before my room. I placed my clothes which smelt like smoke and sake on the hanger and threw my socks into the washer.
“Is that so? Alright. Thank you, very much…”
Without missing any beat, I turned off the phone with a major disappointment.
I was expecting the refusal of my request regarding Sumire, but the landlord was being extremely kind by giving their approval. Moreover, they even sound worried of her circumstances, which I couldn’t respond with anything other than my heartless gratitude.
“Just come in.”
Seeing the widely opened entrance, I murmured heavily.
If she mindlessly came inside, I would probably choose to just let it be and give up, but it was different when the girl was standing still with her shoes on the entranceway. Why would she wait for me to let her in, even though I was supposed to be against her existence in my house? What a contradiction.
When our eyes met, her shoulders flinched.
Her name was Momoyama Sumire. Her plain looking black hair was shoulder length with few hair strands sprung out on her right side, giving an unbalanced look, it perfectly complemented insecurities from her face.
Small back looking unreliable, unsteady way of walking and not talking much…or completely silent might be better to describe her. Could it be that she was asleep? But her eyes were open. Yes, they were like simply opened. Those amber-coloured eyes didn’t seem like staring at something, anything.
I see.
My first impression of her, done.
I had no further understanding of Sumire than this.
Sumire took off her shoes, and then crouched down to tidy them up. Once, twice, thrice, more and more, she kept tidying them over. She didn’t seem like a neat freak considering her way of doing her things once she was done with the shoes, that was clumsy of her, huh.
“For now, you can just put your belongings there. That way is the toilet, and if you want to drink just pick any cup from the kitchen.”
Without stepping into the room, Sumire kept standing on the entranceway.
I didn’t care enough to let her in for a second time, so I just left her there. Not even a newly picked up stray cat could bring themself to slide into a kotatsu anyway. Perhaps, it was something like wariness, and I wasn’t affectionate enough to give her any form of warmth.
After some time Sumire’s legs started to shake and her body swayed. Tint of weariness was visible on her face, but seeing that her legs stepped inside while keeping her head down, I breathed a sigh of relief. I started to brood that maybe I brought home some ghost when I saw her like that.
I pointed at a particular spot and she followed it by walking to it. Her steps reminded me of a baby chick.
Sumire then placed down her backpack, and just like during the funeral, she sat pulling her legs to bury her face there. She placed her chin on her knee, her face covered by her bang concealing her expression.
Glancing at her pink coloured bag, I couldn’t shake off an impression that it sure looked childish for her age. Combined with the hot spring manju keychain, the oddness was on the level that it would probably be bothersome if I inquired about it.
“I’ll take my bath first.”
Once I made sure that the water temperature was set, I didn’t hear any response from the living room.
…what was her problem.
She wasn’t a ghost, but she sure behaved like one. This moment, I realised that even though there were no real victims, sullying the atmosphere by one’s behaviour was cruel enough for the people affected.
I showered my body with hot water and started to rub my body to clean it, the filth had gone along with the flow of water behind the drain. Then I soaked my body inside the hot water, trying to forget the events from today.
I’ve come this far with nothing, not even any passion, simply a shallow human being. As someone with worries no different than most, perhaps, I also someone who resembled a ghost. It wasn’t like I emerged from a massive amount of hatred, but this was a hundred times better.
While drying my hair, I stepped back into the room and reminded of Sumire, I couldn’t hold back from forming a scowl. Usually, I would roll around naked in my bed, but considering I have other people in my space, I made do by wearing my underwear.
Filled with exasperation, I kept wondering when this girl would leave my place…
In the first place, until when will she stay here. I forgot to ask the most crucial question, huh. If it was a week I probably could make it somehow, but in case it turned into a month, I felt like I would be the first who broke down.
“Go take your bath.”
It might have sounded a bit mean, but I truly didn’t want to watch for my words inside my own house, I made some excuses for myself.
After I spoke to her, it took around ten seconds until she raised her head. Too slow. It made me wonder if her brain wasn’t transmitting electrical signals, but some kind of muddy liquid instead.
“Wait, wait a minute, you have clothes, right?”
Seeing her standing up with an empty hand, I tried to ask, but then she shook her head without saying any words.
“Haa, then what do you bring inside that bag…well, whatever.”
I had a hunch that conversing with her using a question won’t be reciprocated well, so I halted midway.
“I will lend you my clothes, so for now just put those on.”
“......”
She nodded…or she moved like she nodded.
Then she properly received the towel and just like escaping, Sumire quickly left the room. Stop being so active out of nowhere.
…what an odd fellow.
Usually, a young girl who lost their parents would wallow in sadness, but negative emotion couldn’t be seen from her face. It was like either she’s a weirdo or someone strong. Well, even if she had some nerves, I don’t think this household would care enough for that.
Inside my room that felt bigger than before, I was brooding over things which filled up my plates when I heard the bathroom’s door had slid open.
Could it be that she had no idea where the amenities were? For now let’s take a look, and when I opened the living room’s door, Sumire’s face popped right before me, inciting a loud shriek from me, “Uwaa!”
That was scary.
“Aren’t you too quick?”
“......”
“Well, that’s okay.”
Some people even spent an hour inside, so of course there are numerous ways to do your bath. I don’t really care whether it was a good or bad way, though. Embrace diversity.
Her unkempt hair swaying around as she simply dried it using towel, it reminded me of a dead tree.
Observing her appearance, it didn’t take me long to figure that the clothes I lent her were too big. Perhaps it was because she had yet to tie it, but the pants felt like it could slip down anytime she walked.
Then, Sumire once again walked toward her previous spot and rested her waist there, I wonder if it already became her permanent place.
“Aah, the hair dryer’s electrical plug was removed, just put it back if you want to use it.”
Silence.
Just let her be, shall we?
I couldn’t do more than this, much more if the other side had no willingness to communicate. I definitely didn’t want the noisy problematic child, but this other type sure was vexing in her own way.
If this was the result of my proactiveness, then our relationship definitely couldn’t be more than this. When I thought of it this way, I didn’t feel any disappointment.
So I let myself brush my teeth and prepare for tomorrow. Once I’m done with setting my alarm, I rested on my bed.
When Sumire entered my vision, she still sat like a statue, not moving even an inch from her previous pose. Not even me could ignore that, it could disturb my sleep, and I really want to protect my sleep’s quality.
“Here.”
I threw a spare futon that I took from my closet.
“My bad but I don’t have any spare pillow. Just put up with it for tonight.”
Once I did, Sumire took her bag and rolled it into a pillow shape.
Haha, it had nothing inside.
She probably wanted to use it as a pillow substitute, but I bet once she rested her head on it, it would flattened again.
Looked tough, but that much should be alright. Her semi wet hair bothered me, but using my indifference skill I was able to ignore it. Truly an important ability I had with me. It was not really a complicated problem since this was matter of compassion.
“I have work tomorrow, so I’m going to sleep now.”
I turned off the lamp, and shutted my eyes.
Today was truly an eventful day. Once I started slipping into my slumber, my brain did its ability to piece my memories, just like a puzzle game.
Sending off a soul, taking responsibility for another soul. It was too enormous, don’t you think.
When I once again saw Sumire, she rolled around in her futon. Was the floor too hard for her body? Or could it be that she was cold? My bad, but you had no choice since it was something to be expected when you stay over at someone else’s house.
What would happen to me now…
I sighed when I imagined that I could no longer live the way I did up until today. When the sigh changed into soft snores, I could feel my stomach expand and flattened repeatedly. That moment I could no longer hear any noise in the room, what would happen later would be for later.
Let’s just sleep.
Power slowly left my body, I fully rested my body on the bed. I was this house’s owner and I had work tomorrow. Of course the privilege to use a comfortable bed fell on me.
Who had passed, who had to live, joy or sorrow, everything had nothing to do with me.
I had no affinity for becoming one’s comfort or completely accepting others into my life. Which was why I prayed that Sumire would quickly become an adult who could stand on her own feet.
Since for someone like me, it was the best course of action I could take.
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